Apologies are a challenging but necessary part of life. All of us make social mistakes from time to time that require an apology to help mend the relationship, but this can be especially difficult when we are feeling embarrassed by our actions. You can help to normalize apologies by recognizing times that you have crossed a boundary or made a social mistake and then make a genuine apology to your child. The steps below can help your child to learn how to make apologies that are genuine, thoughtful and truly support a repair of their relationship.
1. Stay Calm—if you or the other person is very upset, you are not ready for the
conversation. Use your self-regulation tools to calm down so that you are ready to have a positive and calm conversation (deep breathing, take a walk, drink water, listen to music, read, take some time alone, etc).
2. Consider the other person’s perspective—why are they upset? How would you feel if
you were in their shoes? If you are not sure, ask them how they feel or talk to a trusted
adult.
3. Nonverbal Communication—be mindful of your tone, facial expressions, and body language. (HINT: practice in front of a mirror before making the apology)
4. Be Specific—when making the apology, be specific about what you did wrong so that
you can show the other person that you truly understand the problem (Ex: “I am sorry
that I told Sarah about your crush, I should not have done that”)
5. Do NOT make excuses—although it may be tempting to blame your actions on someone
or something else, this will not be helpful and will not make the other person feel
better. Take responsibility for your actions.
6. Give Them Space to Talk—allow the other person space to share their thoughts and
feelings (you should be a listener during this time, not an arguer)
7. Give It Time—after an apology, things may not be immediately better, you may need to
give the other person some space and time before they are ready to forgive you.