“Dad, Sarah isn’t sharing her toy with me.”
“Ms. Rogers, David took the book I wanted.”
“Coach, Becca cut in line.”
“Mom, Sam looked at me with a weird face.”
Tattling is a very normal part of child development but it can be so frustrating for adults. As kids get older, they need to learn when to reach out for help, when to solve things themselves, and when to simply let it go. We recommend that you find a quiet and calm moment to talk with your child(ren) about the difference between tattling and telling as trying to talk about it in a heated moment will not result in good learning outcomes.
So, what is the difference between tattling and telling?? It has a lot to do with intention. Kids can ask themselves, “Why are we involving an adult? What are we hoping to gain from the attention of the adult?”
Tattling: our intention is to get the other person or people in trouble (examples: it was just an accident, it is something I can ignore, I’m ok, it’s none of my business, I can solve this myself)
Telling: our intention is to get help for past, preset, or potential harm to another person or property (examples: there is danger, someone is hurt, someone is bleeding, something is broken and I can’t fix it myself, someone is bullying– being mean, on purpose, over and over again)
The next time your child comes to you with a complaint about another child, remind them to stop and think first “is this a time to tattle or is this a time to tell?”
Book Recommendation: A Bad Case of Tattle Tongue by Julia Cook